I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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