I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
