She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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