looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
