it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
