Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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