You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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