It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
