She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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