the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
