i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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