I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just had sex on a roof
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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