I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize