I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
