I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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