apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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