Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
