When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
