New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
