I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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