Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
