she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
