Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
