The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
