dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
