im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
