Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is classic penis vs brain.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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