So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize