idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
