Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
