His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Acid is not a monday night drug
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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