I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
