I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Someone signed my nipple.
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