I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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