Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
