Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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