The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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