New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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