Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
