I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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