Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
