we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
