Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
