my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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