I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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