She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
