I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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