Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
