my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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