some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
