I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
