there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The convent might be a nice break from real life
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
