this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
