She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
