I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
