My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
