whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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