96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
