Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
