she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
