omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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