fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
