Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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