My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
