fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
