shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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