i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
