I'm lost and stupid without you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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