Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
