I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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