That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize