you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My breasts were aching with rage.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
