Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
