meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
