talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
