in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
