Do you still have your period?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
